Finding the Light, A Sense of Self & Style with Madi Messer
IN THIS EPISODE, WE DISCUSS:
How Sweet Tea With Madi started
Getting more comfortable with yourself as you get older
Madi’s Triggered to Life moment
Unpacking 2017 and the moment that changed everything
What happens when you censor yourself for a partner
All about her ex leading A DOUBLE LIFE
Fatal Attraction: What happens when love goes wrong
Moving from Florida to Washington, D.C. to start fresh
Being blind-sided and divine intervention
Opening up on Instagram and helping others
Why Madi thinks people cheat & the importance of therapy
How being authentic made her career take off
Madi’s romantic relationships now & dating men who don’t have social media
How Madi deals with anxiety, depression, and the pressure to constantly “be on”
Madi’s self-care & manifestation routine
How she deals with the haters as her brand grows
Sweet Tea with Madi vs. Madi Messer
Where the Madi Messer brand is going in 2021
Podcast Transcript:
Cami: Hello, Madi. Welcome to the podcast. How are you?
Madison: Thanks for having me. I'm excited to be here.
Cami: Yeah, we're excited to have you. Will you tell the audience where you currently are?
Madison: I'm in Tampa, Florida. Used to live right next door to you in DC.
Cami: Yeah.
Madison: New, fresh days to Tampa.
Cami: Yeah, we just lost Madi to Florida, which we were talking before. And, it sounds like it was exactly what you needed. I'm a little jealous.
Madison: Yeah, so much warmer, and happier, and it feels right.
Cami: Yeah, I'm staring at my four walls and I'm like, "These, I'm getting sick of them."
Madison: Yeah, I know. I get up every morning like go on long walks along the ocean and I'm like, "Oh, this is like the life I was meant to live." Very different from where I lived in DC, just do it all.
Cami: Totally. Well, it's nice to try things out. That's actually a good segue into you moved to Washington DC three years ago.
Madison: I know, I just went into this on Instagram stories the other night. Everyone's like, "So wait, I'm confused. Where did you live?" Every time I would meet people in DC, they're like, "Well, you do what for a living? Why are you here?" I'm like, "I really don't have a good answer to that."
Cami: Yeah. Well, you moved to DC after a very specific incident in your life.
Madison: Yeah, we can go anywhere. Alright, so we can go right in.
Cami: Yeah. Well, we'll start with--
Madison: Okay.
Cami: You are an amazing human, just to start out.
Madison: Well, coming from you, I feel like you're a good educator of people, and energy, and all that.
Cami: Well, thank you. Madi and I met in college. We met in England.
Madison: We did. I know. I always forget that.
Cami: I know. It's so random and I have some of the best pictures of you, me, Adele, and--
Madison: [00:02:16 unin]
Cami: Yeah, that was really fun. So, we always just kept in touch. When you moved to DC, we would connect, but you are an influencer, you're a fashion influencer, you are beautiful, and you do all sorts of fun things online. But, tell people a little bit about where your blog and where your influence started and came from, and what sparked you wanting to do what you do now.
Madison: Yeah. So, I always tell everyone we went to such a small liberal arts school that there was five majors to choose from. I was like, "Okay, I guess I'll do something that's kind of media communication." I kind of always thought I wanted to do PR, which essentially now I do for myself, I guess.
Cami: Yeah.
Madison: But, I always was interested in fashion. And, really finding good deals is where I got started because we went to school that was pretty privileged. I was around these people who were spending crazy amounts of money on their clothing, and their joy, or whatever. And, to be totally honest, I didn't come from a place where my parents are going to give me $200, $300 for a random formal dress. So, I've always had this love for fashion, but I had to find a way to make it work with my budget. So, my kind of like forte was always find the best things at Forever 21, or drugstore beauty finds, or whatever.
And, when I got to college, blogging and influencing, it was barely a thing yet. There was maybe a handful of girls who had started doing it, but I didn't even follow any blogs at the time. So, it's kind of crazy that I fell into this, but I didn't even know what I was getting into. I kind of like posting about my outfits, and what I'm doing, and what makeup I'm using, so maybe this could be something. And, my parents were like, "Maybe, but you're still going to have to get a job and make money." So, while you're figuring that out, what else I'm going to do?
And so, I got a normal corporate job. I bopped around jobs so much in the beginning. Because now knowing myself, I'm like, "Oh, corporate life was never for me." So, me working in some corporate office was never going to work, but I just couldn't figure out. I was like, "This is not a right fit." And, I'm bopping. And, this is not a right fit and I'm going here. And so, on this side, I would do blog posts, started using Instagram. It's like a big platform. Everyone's like, "Did it happen overnight?" I'm like, "Oh, absolutely not." That was six, seven years ago now.
Cami: Yeah. I remember when you started your blog and you were looking for an intern.
Madison: Oh.
Cami: Two boys from our school applied your interns.
Madison: Well, funny you say that because I was with people from our college recently this weekend and somehow that came up. And, I was like, "I have to see if I can find this email." And, I found it and it's still the funniest most golden gem I have on my phone. I'll never let it go. It's in my draft's way, way, way back.
Cami: I think Adele sent it to me once and I was like, "This is the funniest thing I've ever read."
Madison: Well, I think in the beginning for so long. I mean, I've talked to people now who were like, "Yeah, I'm drunk at a bar, it all comes out," but I've run into people since from college or people from high school, and they're like, "Yeah, I have to be honest. When you started doing this whole thing, I was so confused, against it, judgey of it." And then, one day I was like, "Wait, this is kind of a real job now. This is a real thing."
Cami: You did it. Well, I love when that happens because I believe that when you really see a vision and you have in your mind that it's going to work, it'll work if you continue to work at it. And, I think that you're a perfect example of that. You were not going to let anyone stop you. Well, obviously it's paid off now.
Madison: I remember I saw a clip. This is so random, but a clip in college of Snooki from "Jersey Shore." And, she was doing an interview and she was like, "I just always knew I was meant to be famous. I can't explain it, I just always knew."
Cami: Yeah.
Madison: I don't think I'm going to be famous per se, but I had this moment where I've always felt when I was at my corporate job I was so uncomfy. The energy was so off because I was like, "No, I meant for more." I know I'm meant for more. I'm going to make it happen. I know I'm going to be something, whatever that is someday. I had always this gut feeling that I was like, "It's going to happen" just like when and how, I don't know, but one day I'm going to make it happen. That interview always sticks with me.
Cami: Yeah. It's so funny when you have those little things that just stick in your mind even though they seem like Snooki, I mean. Come on, but yeah. So, it's so interesting. Well, one thing I've noticed throughout your time of having your blog and having your audience is that you're more and more comfortable with yourself as you've gotten older. And, I don't know, it just appears to me that your audience really loves seeing the candid honest side of you. And, I've so enjoyed that, like the last couple of years just seeing you share more and more about yourself online, because I don't know, I think I really enjoy it, but I think people also really notice that and have gotten more emotionally connected to you.
Madison: I feel like it's so hard to find in the social media space the realness. It's becoming more and more of a trend, really.
Cami: Yeah.
Madison: I feel like people are showing much more real sides of their life. But, I think two years ago, it was also staged. And, to date someone who would always be like, "You can't say that, you can't do that, you can't whatever." I was so sheltered and scared to not be perfectly on. And then, I think part of, well, I think just getting older too, you get so much more confident and comfortable with who you are as a person, which comes with age. I feel I'm going to be 30 this year. Everyone always says like in your 30s you just stop caring. You're like, "I know who I am." It's just becoming more and more true, but--
Cami: Totally.
Madison: Yeah, being real on social media has worked. I almost feel it's my niche now. I'm like, "Why do you follow me?" I love to get polls and keep polls to know why people are here, how they found me. You're just like real. I feel like you're my friend, or I'm talking to a sister, or whatever. And, I'm like, "Okay, how can we keep that going where people completely feel really connected to me?"
Cami: Yeah. The catch-22 is when people meet you and then they are talking to you like you really know them, and you're like, "Wait, have I met you before?"
Madison: All the time. And, this happens all the time too. Can I set you up with my best guy friend? I feel like you guys would get along. You just hit it off. I'm like, "Okay. But, yeah, you don't know me really, but--"
Cami: That's so funny. So, going back to kind of where the blog was born out of. Obviously, the podcast we highlight pivotal moments, kind of those moments that changed your life forever. And, I want you to tell the audience what that trigger to life moment was for you.
Madison: Yeah, so I actually have the year, I don't know if you can see it right now, tattooed on my wrist. It was 2017. It was a great day, I'm just kidding. But, I was in a very serious relationship, a very serious relationship where I was living with someone, and I kind of lightly touched on a second ago. I was working a corporate job at the time, knew it wasn't for me, but doing this whole blog, influencing thing on the side hoping that one day would become--I mean, I could have never dreamed it would become what it did today, but I was hoping that time that it would grow into something. And, my boyfriend at the time was just someone who was very afraid to be with someone that was more successful than him.
I've now learned therapy, and through growing up, and meeting more people, there's just some people you're going to meet in life who want to keep you down to keep you around. And, he was one of those people. So, I censored myself so much. I kind of stopped myself from growing from, I don't know. Even at small things like spending more time with my girlfriends, I was just totally lost in this relationship looking back. And, found out through a crazy twirl of events that this person that I thought I knew, that I was living with, and thought I was going to marry had a whole another life. And so, it was this traumatic moment. I've been so privileged in the sense that up until then, that's the craziest thing that had ever happened to me, my boyfriend cheating on me.
And, I mean, I moved out that day, I've yet to see him since it happened. It was the most cut and dry moment where I just had this moment where I was like, "I need a huge shift." So, what is that going to look like? And, moving out, never seeing him again. I went to California for 10 days to regroup and gather my thoughts, and then came back. And, I was like, "I'm going to move to a new city and I'm going to start over or whatever that looks like." And so, I moved to a new city. I had never lived more than 30 minutes away from my parents, [00:11:31 unin]. So, for me to pick up and leave Orlando, Florida was a huge thing.
Cami: Yeah.
Madison: And then, went to this new city and knew not even a handful of people, but my brother was there. And so, I was kind of holding on to him for dear life. And then, I got to this new city and I was like, "Okay, in the next two years, this blog is going to be my full-time job." I had meet all new friends, I had to go so far in my comfort zone more than I've ever been in my entire life. I mean meeting new friends at your 20s is scary enough and you're in a new city where you know nothing. I had visited DC once before. I lived in an apartment my first place there that was sight unseen. We signed an apartment that I found on Craigslist.
Cami: Yeah.
Madison: I had no idea with the location, what it looked like. I mean, I started totally over.
Cami: Yeah.
Madison: I tell everyone. I just said it the other night to someone. I was like, "Going through a heartbreak, I feel everyone has to go through," and I'm sure you can attest to this.
Cami: Yeah.
Madison: One traumatic, devastating, knock you off your feet, knock the air out of you, heartbreak, because it forces you to totally reassess where you are in life, find yourself in this crazy new deep level.
Cami: Yeah.
Madison: Sometimes I want to send him a thank you letter and be like, "Thank you for doing this to me because it's literally the best thing that could ever happen to me. You're an asshole but thank you for putting me through that."
Cami: I know, I know. That's always part of my nightly. I do this nightly journaling prayer thing. And, it's always like, "Thank you so much for letting me go."
Madison: And, in the moment, I remember there's little moments stick with you. I want to cry when I talk about this moment, but I remember right after the breakup, when I was dating him, I felt he's this amazing cool person, and his family has all these cool things about them, and I'm here I'm getting to experience them. And, that was my personality for three years was him, which is so sad.
Cami: Yeah.
Madison: I remember I went to California, I was [00:13:35 unin] my uncle, and my aunt, and their group of friends who all are super interesting and have incredible jobs, and these crazy lives. And, I texted my mom from the back at dinner, and I said, "I have nothing to bring to the conversation. I'm not interesting anymore." I felt I was nothing. I was like, "I bring nothing to the [00:13:58 unin]. I have nothing cool to say." And now, looking back, I'm like, "That is the saddest thing to think, feel, like how sad that I got to this place where all of my worth was someone else."
And so, I was like, "Do you think you're interesting yet? Do you think you bring that to the conversation yet?" And now, I'm in these rooms where people are so interested by my job. And, I have all these incredible travel stories and life stories that I've had over the last few years.
Cami: Yeah.
Madison: Oh, my god. I don't even know the person that was at that dinner table in June of 2017. It's so crazy. I don't know her.
Cami: Yeah. I have the chills when you were saying that. What a good perspective in memory to hold. No one can take that away and you know that feeling.
Madison: Yeah. I mean even my friends are like, "You're in the best way possible, a totally different person than you were five years ago."
Cami: Yeah. I mean, I just think what a girlfriend you are. I mean, it's hard for me to imagine your life revolving around a guy, but it's just like, I don't know, it's just funny to think of like, yeah, you do sometimes. I mean, I guess that's just a learning experience.
Madison: [00:15:17 unin] it happens.
Cami: Yeah.
Madison: Unfortunately, some people married those people that they got lost in. And then, that's it, forever. And then, they lose themselves and their kids, or whatever else is going on around them, I'm like, "Thank God that I was able to get out of that because I almost could have very well have married this person and my whole life would have been them forever." [00:15:40 unin] had my own career or whatever.
Cami: So, there is one twisted part in the story.
Madison: Which part?
Cami: The dark side of me really. Which is that the person that cheated on you was the person who--the other woman or whatnot was also a blogger. Tell that little part because it's so--
Madison: I know. I feel when I was going through it, everyone was like, "I hope you don't mind, but I've told everyone at my office your story because I just can't get over how crazy it is." And, I'm like, "It's my party trick." Now, I'm like, "You want to hear the craziest thing that ever happened to me?" And, I started telling story and they're like, "No." And, I'm like, "Oh, no, no, we're not to the craziest part yet, it gets better, and better, and better." So, yeah. So, in the midst of all this, you find out the person you're sleeping next to has a whole another life girlfriend, whatever. That was obviously shocking enough. And then, you get deeper and find out that the person that he was having this whole long sordid affair with was slowly becoming me, was copying my hairstyles, became a blogger, was wearing the same outfits as me, taking pictures in the same spots as me, talking like me, making captions like me, doing stories like me. And so, it just literally got more and more twisted. And, I felt like I was on fatal attraction. I'm like, "Is she going to come find me and skin me next?" What more can I give her? You took my boyfriend. You literally became me in the sense that I'm like, "Oh, she liked me so much that she copied everything in my life." And then on top of that, I was like, "We got to have the same boyfriend too." So, here we are. It's the craziest thing.
And, the craziest part is that it still happens today. I'll post a picture and a certain pose, or doing something, and the next day she's got a picture in certain pose. I'm like, "Okay, girl, it's been five years. Neither one of us are dating him anymore. We've both moved on." But, yeah, it's crazy.
Cami: That always gives me the chills, but it's also so fascinating, the psychology behind that.
Madison: Yeah. I think that in social media it makes it so easy to become obsessed with something, people, lifestyles, whatever it is.
Cami: Yeah.
Madison: She was obsessed with something.
Cami: You did a good job, you influenced the shit out of her.
Madison: I need a raise. Yeah. No, it's the craziest thing. I mean, there's one picture, I should have it framed somewhere, but a picture that I took and she took side by side, someone cropped it side by side, and it is literally we're both on a train track wearing the same dress, the same shoes, the same lipstick, the same hairstyle. At that point, I was like, "Okay, honestly, this whole situation"--sometimes I'm like, "I'm so grateful it was so wild because if it was less wild, it probably would have been sadder." But, at some point, I was like, "I can't even be sad because I'm freaked out and confused, I'm concerned." Sad is the last thing on my list right now. I have a million more emotions going through my head.
Cami: You're like, "I'm just okay. I'm thankful I am safe."
Madison: Yeah. I'm like, "Does she know where I live?" Well, she knows where I used to live, but yeah, that was part of the thing. I felt I wanted to live in a hyper-reality. And so, part of your different reality when this was all going down, which is part of the reason I think moving to a new place sometimes gives you a moment where you're like, "This is fake, this isn't real life" until [00:19:33 unin] and then eventually becomes real life. But, for a short period there, you can live very out of touch with things. And, that's what I needed for the time.
Cami: Yeah, yeah, I know. Moved to Washington DC, it is a reality.
Madison: Especially now, yeah.
Cami: Right?
Madison: Different world.
Cami: So, when did you get to the point where you started feeling more comfortable talking about this story? Because obviously in 2017, you wouldn't have been able to talk on a podcast about this.
Madison: Oh, god. No, I mean, I'm in therapy, best thing ever. I tell everyone. I need to go back. But, I remember I went to therapy and my parents--because for the longest time, truly, like I said, I lived in a hyper different reality like nothing felt real. And, I didn't sob and really cry, cry for probably months, which is the craziest thing. I remember moving out of the apartment and I was so numb because I was like, "This is so crazy." My body couldn't process it. My mind couldn't process it.
So, I went to therapy, and I remember I sat down and I told her the whole story, and that's it. And, she was like, "I'm sorry, we're going to have to go back ten steps." And, she was like, "Are you okay?" I'm like, "Yeah, no, I'm totally fine." And, she's like, "You're not. It'll hit you, but that's great if you think you're fine for now, but honestly, we have a bigger problem here that you think it's fine and you're not crying sitting here in this chair." So, it took me so long to process it. But, I think the one thing that's good about social media is when I started opening up a little bit and being like, "I went through this traumatic event and someone I thought I loved betrayed me so badly and deeply." And then, having so many people come to me and be like, "Okay, I'm going through the same thing right now." It's like, "Okay, maybe I can make this into a good thing where I can show girls that there's light on the other side of it and that you can make a really good thing out of it, and how much it made me a better person." I think it probably took a year or two to get to a point where I like felt.
And also, it's embarrassing. There's a part or there's an embarrassment factor that I had to get to a point where I was like, "This isn't embarrassing. I didn't do anything. I'm still a good person, a good catch forever. This is embarrassing for him." But, there's a year there where you're like, "This is embarrassing for me," it's like "how embarrassing that I wasn't enough for someone that they had to go find this somewhere else." Yes. And, that's the worst. You get to a point where you're like, "I'm sorry, narcissist and sociopaths are always going to be that." You can, supermodel, [00:22:09 unin], then they're still going to do this to you.
Cami: Totally.
Madison: There's nothing embarrassing about it. But, I think when you get over that, that's the biggest part. Because when you go over the embarrassment part, you're like, "Whatever." [00:22:19 unin].
Cami: Yeah, that makes so much sense. Do you have a theory as to why people cheat? Obviously, if someone's a narcissist and a sociopath, that's--
Madison: Yeah. I think society today makes it like A. And, this is a cop-out in a way too, but it's so easy nowadays. Go find something else. I mean it's so easy to be on your phone and be like continuously, just like these images are thrown in your face.
Cami: Yeah.
Madison: My Instagram [00:22:52 unin] sometimes. I'm like, "What?" There's models in bikinis, and whatever, left and right, and I think it's just so accessible nowadays where 10 years ago it really wasn't. You weren't sitting on your phone all day looking at other women, you were at work [00:23:04 unin]. But, I think it's partly that.
I think people who cheat are people who need so much attention and love. And, I think through my process, yeah, I think he's a sociopath, a narcissist, all that, good stuff too. But, I think that he has a mommy complex and he has issues with his parents not loving him the way that he needs to be loved. So, he's looking wherever and whenever he can get all the love he can get. He's now dating multiple girls and that's how he's getting all this additional love. I think just some people need all the attention and they need constant reassurance.
Cami: Yeah.
Madison: Exhausting to be in a relationship with someone like that. But, I realized I'll never do that again. And, I tell people nowadays straight where I'm like, "I nurtured someone once before, I'm not doing it again." So, if you're not okay on your own, I cannot date you because I need to take care of myself, I want to be selfish. And, I'll be there for you, but there is only so much I can do. I cannot date anyone who needs that constant attention and coddling, it's exhausting.
Cami: Yeah. What parts of your personality have changed after that? Is that one of them, [00:24:29 unin] as accommodating?
Madison: Oh yeah, yeah. I literally had someone recently. A guy be like, "I am someone who needs to be taken care of." And, I'll be so upfront nowadays, I'm like, "I'm obviously going to be someone in a relationship who's going to be there for my partner in a lot of regards, but I'm not someone's mom and I never wish to be that, and I don't want to be that." Some girls love getting up making their husband lunches, and that's so great for them, not with me.
Cami: Yeah.
Madison: So, I'm very straightforward nowadays. I'm like, "I realize how important it is to take care of myself."
Cami: Totally.
Madison: I will never be like someone -- I think a relationship needs to be so equal.
Cami: Totally.
Madison: Something again that's not.
Cami: Yeah. I have a couple of friends who sent me this meme and I posted it on my wall in my bedroom. And, it is "Stop doing wifey shit for a guy who deserves cold peas out of a can."
Madison: I love that. It's so true though. I always say on stories, everything. I'm like, "I'm not domestic." I don't like to cook. I clean and take care of myself, and guess what, I'm mega financially independent. So, I really don't need someone to take care of me. So, I need to be with someone who's kind of the same wavelength as me, someone who's like, "Listen, we can be partners here, we'll check in on each other throughout the day," but if I feel maybe there's moments where someone needs a little extra but otherwise, I need someone who's just like--
Cami: Totally. Yeah. So, how is your dating life now?
Madison: Oh, my god. I go through these spells months where I'm over it because I think you'll get to such a good place personally sometimes that you're like, "I don't want to fuck it up." I don't even want to let someone else come in and give me that dating anxiety, whatever. It's not worth it sometimes. But, I think moving to a new place, I'm just having a very fun time right now. I know I'm not in a place where I'm ready to get married tomorrow. I definitely am not ready to settle down. But, I mean, everybody kind of wants someone there at the end of the day.
Cami: Yeah.
Madison: In that space where I'm open but not actively looking.
Cami: Okay.
Madison: [00:27:04 unin].
Cami: Yeah. I mean, you said you're not famous but you kind of are famous in a lot of ways. You have fame. So, how is that when you're dating? I mean, I imagine it makes things a little more nuanced, just more complicated in some ways.
Madison: Yeah. I will say the one thing and I'm going on a dinner date next week with someone who's much older. Loved that. They were like, "Well, I can't really show you his pictures because he doesn't really have tons of social media." I was like, "Great, great, this is the perfect setup." I told my friend because it's one of her good guy friends. I was like, "Do not give him my Instagram name. I do not want him looking at myself. I don't want him watching my stories thinking he knows me before he meets me." Because my pet peeve is that I like to be very open on stories. And, when you're first meeting someone, there's certain things that you shouldn't be that open about, or they should get to know you in person.
Cami: Totally.
Madison: I hate when people watch my stories and they feel like they know me before they know me. And then, I feel I censored. I'm like, "I know these guys are watching my story, so do I not say this today?"
Cami: Yeah. Or, they don't ask you things because they already know those things about you.
Madison: Exactly.
Cami: And, I'm like, "Why does he never ask this?" And, I'm like, "Oh, it's probably because he freaking read about it or Googled it or like"--
Madison: It'd be more like, "How was your day?" I'm like, "You watched my stories all day. You literally saw what I ate for breakfast, so you already know." We're there, we're past that point. So, I would rather have people not, yeah, not be on my Instagram and not watching me. Later on, it's fine, but in the early stages, I'm like, "We should just get to know each other."
Cami: Yeah. Yeah, that's always my favorite type of guy is a guy without social media.
Madison: Love it. I love a guy who doesn't even know how to search first. My friend said, she's like, "Madison, he doesn't even know how to look you up on Instagram." I'm like, "Great." I need someone who's very opposite of me in that regard. It would be annoying to be with someone who's like, "Put me in your story." That would drive me nuts. So, I'm like, "It's perfect to have somebody [00:29:21 unin]."
Cami: Well, you see a lot of these Instagram relationships now too where one person's not as famous, and then the other person pulls them in and illuminates their brand and then leave them. I mean, it's--
Madison: There's so many influencers now, which I'm not throwing shade on them, but a lot of them, their husbands have started working for them. Everyone's like, "Yeah," like "would you ever want to?" I'm like, "Absolutely not." Nothing look sexier to me than a guy having his own thing.
Cami: Yeah.
Madison: Nothing would be worse to me than a guy being like, "Can I work for you and take your pictures all day?" I'd be like, "Get out of here."
Cami: Yeah. And, they don't have a brother who is your Instagram boyfriend.
Madison: I know, I know. I miss Riley. I don't have someone here now to use and abuse as much as I used to use him to help me out. But, yeah, Riley is the perfect Instagram stand-in boyfriend.
Cami: Yeah, yeah. I really always enjoyed that when people were like, "Is that your boyfriend?" You're like, "No, it's my brother."
Madison: Yeah. Yeah, he gets more date offers than I do on my page. I'm like, "Guys." Yeah, now we know that he is gay. He just came out recently. So now, I'm like, "And by the way, he doesn't like girls anyhow. So, you have no problem with him, okay? Send me your guy, Rex."
Cami: That's so funny. I was really enjoying your Schitt's Creek references for you like [00:31:00 unin] and like, "Oh, my god, that is so perfect."
Madison: It is really perfect. Now, everyone's like, "We actually get the reference now." I'm like, "Yeah, it was kind of like that before, now it's really like that." Our family is truly Schitt's Creek, it's kind of scary.
Cami: I love it. So, looking back at your 24-year-old self, because it happened [00:31:20 unin].
Madison: I was 20, because I'll be 30 this year, so yeah, 24.
Cami: Twenty-four. What advice would you give yourself at 24? What would you say to someone who's going through this right now?
Madison: Oh, gosh, there's so many things. I don't even know where to begin. I think the biggest thing is what's meant to be will be. And, this goes for me dating now still. It's like the minute someone shows you that they're not fully invested in you, why would you want to let that go any further? You don't want to go any further. You want to meet someone that truly wants to drop everything and be with you. So, it's sad to have something happen like that, or a huge breakup, or whatever, but it's also like, "Okay, now you're opening yourself up to meet someone that's going to be exactly what you need and you want." And, I truly am so strongly feel that. Especially at 24, I'm like, "Oh, my gosh, you have so many years of dating, and fun, and girlfriends, and traveling, and finding yourself and accomplishing career goals and all that." If I had a daughter, I'd be like, "You don't even attempt settling down until at least like 28. You have to meet people in your 20s. You have to. You have to date around and have a miserable statement for these amazing dating stories, all those crazy"--I don't know. My biggest thing is when I was 24 dating him, I truly wanted to be married at 25, and have kids by 27, which is crazy now because I have a three-year-old. But, I was so wrapped up in that mindset, now I'm like, "Oh, my god, I would have missed out on all this."
Cami: Totally. Yeah, I remember when I was 26, I was like, "Oh, my god, I'm so behind." And like, "I should just start a business because I'm never going to get married."
Madison: I mean there's many days where I'm like, "Well, at least I can support myself now." And like, "I'll have a fun life, I'll travel, see amazing things."
Cami: Yeah. But now, looking back, I'm like, "Why was I so programmed to think that I should be wifed up at 26?"
Madison: It seems so young now. I was just rewatching the "Hills" last night and they're all 21. And, I was like, "Babies." You get older and you're just like, "Everything, every set about your 30s, I feel is so dead-on." They're like, "The 30s are your best years, you're going to know yourself the best, you're going to be in the best headspace." I'm like, "Every year, I've gotten closer and closer to that." And now, I feel it all happening [00:33:54 unin].
Cami: Yeah, I agree. I don't know, at least this year, I feel I've been rebirth, but also I feel I got 10 years back, because I was dating someone who was 11 years older, and they had already done the 30s thing. And now, I get so much more time back. I'm so excited.
Madison: Yeah. No, I mean, I can see you're in such a good space. I mean people say it to me all the time, they're like, "Your energy radiates through the screen. We can tell even if you don't say it when you're having a bad week, a bad month." Everyone's like, "We can tell you moving to Florida how much it changed and shifted your energy, and your confidence, and your happiness, and all that. It's true." You can tell through social media in a weird way. Especially when you're on a lot, you can sense when someone's in a good place and a bad place.
Cami: Totally. Yeah, it really is. Have you seen that TikTok trend which is like, "Tell me that you're experiencing this without telling me you're experiencing this," or whatever it is?
Madison: Yeah.
Cami: Yeah, it's kind of like that.
Madison: Yeah. You can tell when people are in better places.
Cami: Yeah. That made me think of something, but I lost it. So, obviously, there was another woman in this picture. Was there anything you ever wanted to say to her? If you could say something to her now, what would you say?
Madison: So, I've gone through so many different stages with this. And, I hate when girls do this. You hate the other woman and it's like, "At the end of the day, she's not the one who betrayed you. The person you were with betrayed you way more than this other person." So, I hate when girls always are so inclined right away to be so angry towards this other person.
Cami: Yeah.
Madison: So, I went through so many stages. Obviously, in the very beginning, I thought maybe she has no idea I existed before I found out that she was copying everything. So, at first, I was like, "We're in this together. We're both got connection" and be like, "Ha, you were doing this to both of us."
Cami: Yeah.
Madison: And, I found out pretty quickly that she was definitely aware of everything going on.
Cami: Yeah.
Madison: Then, you go through a stage where you're really angry and you want nothing but the worst for these people.
Cami: Yeah.
Madison: Well, I remember there being a moment where I was like, "If he walked in front of my car, I wouldn't exactly hit the brakes," like tease him. I would just probably go straight along. You just have those moments where if I can get away with one thing, I know exactly what it'd be. But then, I think the more I became okay, the less I cared about her. Because then, he ended up breaking her heart at the end of it too, like turned quickly afterwards. She thought they were in love, and that they were going to get married, and then he kind of screwed her over from my understanding too. So, she ended up being in this really sad place. And then, I'm like, "Oh, I kind of feel bad for you because I know what a manipulator he is. And so, he's totally manipulated you." Then I went to a point where I was sorry and sad for her. And now, I just feel very indifferent, I'm like, "I'm not angry with you, I think what you did is really shitty."
Cami: Yeah.
Madison: "But, I also am a firm believer in karma." I think that past year, I'm super into "what you put out, you get back." I kind of sit back a lot of times now when shitty stuff happens and I'm like, "I'm not even going to give you my time and energy, the universe is going to figure it out for me. They'll make sure that something bad happens to you down the road."
Cami: Totally. One thing that came to my mind was like, "Do you believe in divine intervention? Do you believe that you went through all of this so you could be here now?"
Madison: Five hundred percent.
Cami: Yeah.
Madison: And, this is when I tell everyone, because I still am on blogger trips this day, and my friends will be like, "We'll be getting drunk at dinner." And, they're like, "Okay, you have to tell the whole table your story." It's my party trick. It's so crazy. I think I was so naive back then. I never had one moment. Girls were like, "You never had one moment? You want to check your phone, you had one moment." You're like, "That's weird." Never, like truly never crossed my mind. I would have never thought he was cheating on me. He's the kind of person who love-bombed me, another word I learned in therapy, is that it's really dangerous, and people love-bomb me right in the beginning. It's a narcissistic trait.
Cami: Yeah.
Madison: So, I was so love-bombed through the whole relationship. I mean, all day texts. If I didn't answer, "Love you," "Where are you?" it was just this crazy. He has love-bombed me so much that I could have never processed that he would even have this, that him cheating was even an option, or a possibility, or whatever. But, I was in Publix. I can remember this moment so vividly. And, this is one of those things where I'm like something came in and was like, "We got to shake this girl and give her the vibe that something's up." So, I'm standing in Publix in the cereal aisle and I had this moment where I was like, "I think that my boyfriend is cheating on me." It was a rush that came over me out of nowhere. I never had this thought once before.
And, a year earlier, he had texted me this girl's name randomly in a text. Even then, I was so naïve, I still didn't think anything of it because he wrote it off so quickly and made me all confused and manipulated. But, I was like, "You know what, I think he's cheating on me and I think it's with this girl, the girl's name that he texted me one full calendar year ago that I've never thought about in a whole year." It was just this moment that came to me. And, I looked at my mom and I was like, "We've got to go home right now, I think that homeboy is cheating on me." And, my parents were close with him. She was like, "You are being crazy right now. You sound psychotic." And, I was like, "We have to go home." I made her drop the groceries. We didn't check out. We went home. And, I went on Facebook and I, within five minutes, found this girl's name, and that's how it all came together. I saw her Facebook page and it was a full-blown year-long relationship documented. And, I was like, "Holy shit."
Cami: So, she was posting pictures of him.
Madison: Yes. But, he had gone into my accounts. Like I said, now I've become much smarter, but I was so naive back then. We had passwords to each other's stuff. And so, he had gone in and blocked on my end her from everything, so I would never come across her. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't get to her page. But, that was on Instagram. So, on Facebook, I was able to find her. [00:40:47 unin] all right there. And then, this is like everything could not have been better timing because Riley was about to move to DC in two weeks. And, he had a roommate lined up, and a place lined up, and his roommate fell through, and then it was just everything was meant to be the way it happened. Truly this is exactly how it's meant to work out. I totally believe things happen for a reason. Even now, if I feel myself being pulled a little bit one way or the other, I'm like, "Okay, I should just go with whatever I'm feeling because it may not make sense now, but it's going to make sense eventually."
Cami: Yeah. That makes me want to cry because it's so nice to hear things, reconfirming that everything happens for a reason. Earlier you said what's meant for us will be for us. I've just been repeating that to myself over and over again for the past two months.
Madison: If you sit on the couch all day and you never leave your house, what's meant to be is not going to--you have to put in the effort. And, you have to be positive and you have to put good things out into the universe. But, I think if you do all of that, it will come back to you. But, I think there's part of it where you have to make smart decisions, be a good person still, and do the leg work, and then what's meant to be that's good will be.
Cami: Totally. Yeah, people forget about the action part. You do have to take consistent action to get the results you want.
Madison: Exactly. What's meant to be will be. But, if I gave up on myself tomorrow, and didn't brush my hair, and whatever, I may not put myself in a position to meet the right person for me. So, you have to do the leg work too. I think if you let it, it will guide you a little bit.
Cami: Totally. So, I'm curious because you mentioned being totally emotionally shut down, flooded, really unable to feel things for a while. What was it like when you started to go back into therapy and then the uncomfortable feelings started coming up?
Madison: Oh, my gosh. So, this is the craziest thing and people who have known me since high school, I think, my good childhood friends, I was always the most sensitive. I mean, you could look at me the wrong way and I burst in tears. I was so sensitive. In cheerleading, if I got put one line back in the dance, I was sobbing for it. I was just this eggshell of a person. And, after this, everyone was like, "Wait, you're not crying because you cry over spilled milk?" And, I'm like, it's the weirdest thing. But, ever since then, it's definitely damaged me a little bit, or made me really hard and tough, whereas, I never cry in front of people now. I only cry in front of my mom, really, maybe my dad.
Cami: Yeah.
Madison: So, that part of me, I was like totally shifted. So, I remember I went to therapy and I was crying. And, I was like, "I don't know why I'm crying." "Oh my god, I'm so sorry I'm crying." I was so mortified that I was crying in front of her. And, she's like, "No, it's okay. This really fucked up thing happened to you. You should be crying. I'd be crying, sob it out." I was like, "Where is this coming from?" She's like, "Oh, you're telling me where it's coming from." Like, "I get it."
Cami: Yeah.
Madison: It was so weird to give it emotion. And, I think I felt weak or he won if I was crying. I was like, "I'm giving him this emotion that I've so long." I mean the fact that I moved out, I haven't seen him to this day, barely give him a chance to talk to me after finding out. So, I felt like me letting my emotions out was me giving in and letting him win. But then, I'm now at a place where I know like, "No, it's good to cry things out and put them out." And, it doesn't mean you're weak, or less of a person, or whatever it is. It's like [00:45:01 unin] every now and again.
Cami: When you feel depressed or anxious, and you still have to go on stories, and talk to your audience, how do you deal with the pressure of having to be on?
Madison: I have this little moment. So, another little moment I will never forget is I was sobbing in therapy, probably the day when I was embarrassed and crying, and I couldn't grab the tissues fast enough, and I couldn't, the waterworks had started surging and I couldn't stop them. I left therapy and I had on these big sunglasses. And, I was walking down the street, and there was a girl with a group of guys going to lunch, all in business suits, whatever, in DC. And, the girl stopped me and she was like, "Oh, my god, I love your blog." She's telling the guys, "Oh my god, she's so cute. I love her blog. She's a famous blogger." And, I'm sitting there literally with my sunglasses on, my tear. And, I went home and it was just one of those moments where I was, "You think everything is so great? You don't know that I just left therapy, I can't stop crying, I'm so messed up today. I don't know what's wrong with me, I just want to crawl in a dark hole." It was just one of those weird things where I'm like, "It's so fake on social media sometimes." And, that was before. I think I got to the point now where I'm more open, where I'm like, "Look everyone, I'm having a shit day over here, and I'm super sad, and things are never what they seem."
Cami: Yeah.
Madison: Yeah. It's always hard to--I don't know. Social media is just such a good current to everything.
Cami: Yeah. Yeah, I mean from an outsider's perspective, you showing your emotions more on social media has just made you even more successful.
Madison: Yeah. I think it's good to see other girls too. I remember I saw one blog or a video to panic attack, and I was like, "Oh my god, she's got 2 million followers and she's so perfect." She's at Paris Fashion Week having this panic attack. But then, that's such a good example of nothing is what it seems.
Cami: Yeah.
Madison: And, you can only show so much. Obviously, I'm not going to get on every time I'm having a mental breakdown because they have once a month on queue. But, yeah, I think it's good to show people that everyone has their shit. Everyone has their insecurities. Everyone has their super sad moments, and things going on in their life, whatever it is.
Cami: Yeah. So, you're very movement-focused. You've got a lot of awesome self-care rituals. Movement-focused is a weird way to put that. You love your fitness classes. And, when you lived in DC, we got to go to Barry's.
Madison: Miss it every day, yeah.
Cami: I do miss it too. It's not the same working out in a mask. It's really hard for me, so I work out inside my apartment now. I don't have to worry about that. But, tell people your favorite self-care rituals that you just love and swear by.
Madison: Okay. I think running. I will say that one reason that I love fitness classes so much, whatever it is, is that I can't be on my phone for a full hour. So, I'm like, "I don't even care if it's yoga and I'm laying in a dark room like this not moving, it's the whole process of forcing myself away from social media, from the world, from technology for one full hour."
Cami: Yeah.
Madison: That's more important. Sometimes I feel the workout itself. Putting my phone in the locker, going in a room, and totally disconnecting for an hour is the best thing I can do during the day.
Cami: Yeah, because you're constantly getting pings here and there.
Madison: Yeah. And, I always want to be on because now too the Instagram algorithm makes you think you have to be active 24/7, you're going to be punished, or whatever it is. It's like this really negative mindset that, I think, Instagram is unfortunately created. Everyone's like, "You go work out every day and then whatever, your workout classes, you have to go. You're so into workout classes." I'm like, "Yeah, I love sweating, that too gives me a real feeling afterwards, the endorphins are something that I really enjoy, and need."
Cami: Yeah.
Madison: Also just the whole process, the ritual, it's the making my coffee in the morning, getting the car, drinking my coffee over there. It's like the ritual of it all is better than the workout, sometimes.
Cami: Totally. You're so making me miss. That ritual for me is usually like, "Get up, go outside, get my coffee, walk the dog," but it's been so cold and I have a puppy and she can't walk on a leash yet. So, it's been messed up for two weeks and I'm like--
Madison: That's the thing. And, everyone keeps saying, they're like, "You just seem so much happier in Tampa." And, I'm like, "I am just in the sun, more outside, able to get around more, and do more. And, that all has made me. It's not even Tampa, I could be in wherever, but those little things just give you this happiness and that." I know the winter blues are so real up in the north.
Cami: I was sending out a barrage of texts last night saying to people, "My lease is up in two months. I want to travel someplace. I will house at someone's second home, and I will go anywhere.
Madison: Sign me up for that too. But no, I mean, you got to come down here. It's just a different way of life. And, I hated Florida, hated Florida and got back, and I'm like, "Wow, I took this place for granted." It is so--
Cami: I know. Everyone in college was like, "I don't want to live in Florida." And, I was like, "I really want to live in Florida, but I don't want to be judged for wanting to live in Florida."
Madison: Exactly. There's such a bad stigma. When I came back here, I'm like, "I don't know." Or, I felt like, "DC was such a big moment for me, a strong moment, an independent moment," that I was like, "If I come back to Florida, is that me saying that I'm over it." I'm like, "I give up," or I'm like, "I'm not person going through this." I don't know. There's something about it. And then, I got here and I was like, "I do not even care. You guys can think whatever you want." I am outside on the boat every weekend and like, "Joke's on you."
Cami: Yeah. Yes, jokes are on people who live in DC. Well, I feel it has gotten a little lighter since the recent transition, but yeah, I mean, January is a hard month in the East Coast, just is.
Madison: I know, I know, I know. I talk to my brother every day, and I'm like, "What are you doing today?" He's like, "Yeah, we're kind of just sit inside and [00:51:39 unin]"--
Cami: Nothing, we're doing nothing.
Madison: You got to come down here, come visit.
Cami: Yeah, literally doing nothing. So, going back to you, you used to be very fragile. So, how do you deal with mean comments? People are mean online. What do you--
Madison: I have little insecurities about certain things and they're stupid, but they're my insecurities. And, if someone hits those, I'm like, "Ouch." But, [00:52:16 unin], I think after so many, you're just kind of like, I used to care, and you get to a point where you're like, "Say whatever," I don't know. You get to a point where you're over it, but there's definitely those people, most comments you can get over because you're like, "There's no truth to it," or someone's opinion on me living my life the way I do in a pandemic, or whatever it is, because those come. And, it's kind of at first, you want to please everyone.
Cami: Yeah.
Madison: I did a poll the other day. I'm like, "What can I do more of on stories or less of on stories? Give me your thoughts." And then, you see exactly how you're never going to be able to please anybody because half the messages say like, "We hate when you talk about food. It's triggering for me, or whatever. I hate when you talk about working out." And then, half of them were like, "I want to know everything you eat in a day. I want to know your exact workout. Please start videoing your workout." So, that right there shows you like, "I'm totally comfortable knowing that no matter what I do, I'm not going to please this side, and I'm going to maybe make this side happy."
Cami: Totally.
Madison: I think I've truly stopped caring what people think about me on social media.
Cami: Yeah.
Madison: And, even my mom sometimes, she's like, "Don't you think that's a little"--I had the word "blow job" on my stories the other day. My mom was mortified, died. She's like, "You have to take that down." I was like, "Why? A hundred people sent in the word, responds blow job, I thought it's funny to put it all on the same slide." We were talking about like, "What do you get a guy for Valentine's Day?" And, this is funny and relatable. And, this is truly what people sent me in. I'm not pulling this out of my ass, but [00:54:00 unin].
Cami: You pushed your mother's edge.
Madison: I pushed my mother's edge. She was like, "Okay, I get that we're unfiltered around here, but this is a little much." These people sent these questions. It's what they think and what's truly going through their brains.
Cami: Well, they value that honesty. I think you got to give them what they need.
Madison: Yeah.
Cami: So, where is Sweet Tea with Madi going in 2021? Are you dropping the Sweet Tea?
Madison: That's a good question. So, I just hired a girl to kind of be my brand manager, I guess. Here's the thing. We're seeing it so much storefronts and stuff, if you don't continue to evolve, you're going to die.
Cami: Yeah.
Madison: Whether it's a website, a storefront, a brand, whatever it is, everyone's learning in these times. You got to continue to evolve. So, I can only personally evolve so many times, and then I kind of run out of ideas. And, I'm like, "Okay, I'm only one person. I don't have a million new thoughts going through my head every day. I'm semi-creative but to a certain extent." So, there's a girl who I saw who was like, I could just tell, it's like she's got this fresh energy.
Cami: Yeah.
Madison: She's a very different style to me, a different brain than me, so she probably got a million different ideas than I do. So, I decided to bring her on and have her help me revamp everything. So, we're going a little more mature with the page in terms of outfits and editing. I'm not trying to look 30, but I don't want to look like 18 anymore. I kind of want to find that sense of growth. The page needs to grow a little bit. I go back and forth in dropping Sweet Tea with Madi or keeping it, because Sweet Tea with Madi just reminds me of when I was at Rollins wearing Lily Pulitzer.
Cami: Yeah.
Madison: That's not who I am at all anymore. There's nothing really sweet tea going on on the page anymore. So, this year is going to be a huge rebrand. We don't know exactly what it looks yet, but it's definitely going to be a big growing-up moment for the page.
Cami: Yeah.
Madison: So, personally, that's going to change. And then, I'm just getting deeper into starting my own brand of something, which is in the work slowly right now, and continuing my jewelry collaborations that I do with Electric Picks. Yeah. I talked about this in stories this week, but I'm sure you get this. I sound like crazy talking. A lot of people they think I'm crazy talking [00:56:28 unin]. I just keep having these crazy moments, a deja vu lately, like most intense deja vu I've ever had. And, I've had this feeling. I'm like, "This year, something big is going to happen." I don't know what it is, it's like a shift. I just feel it. I'm going with it. I'm like, "Okay, we're going to make everything happen this year in terms of like, let's get my page ready."
Cami: Yeah.
Madison: [00:56:53 unin], it's the craziest thing.
Cami: Well, you're entering into your Saturn return.
Madison: Okay. I don't know what that means.
Cami: So, it's essentially where Saturn was when you were born. Astrology-wise, it's coming back, and I'm saying this wrong, but essentially when you're 29 to 30, my Saturn return was last February 24th. I went through everything. I went through two weeks later. So, it only brings you back into alignment, and it'll bulldoze whatever is out of alignment to bring you back into your path. So, for you, it doesn't have to be a major thing, it could actually just be for you, like a work thing. I mean, from what you're saying, it sounds like that next frontier is what's going to connect for you.
Madison: Yeah. It's so crazy. I need to get more into it because I've been doing a lot of manifesting, and gratitude, journaling in the mornings now, and I feel the effects of it.
Cami: Totally.
Madison: In 24, you're so wild for talking about this and like making up with a cuckoo bird. It can't hurt to think more positive every day. Nothing bad is going to come from it. So, why not give it a shot? I don't know. This week has been a week where old flames have come back, new men have come to picture random. I was like, "This is so wild, but I can feel something crazy is happening around me, and I don't know where it's going or what's happening, but I'm loving it, I'm going with it."
Cami: I love this for you. If you send me your birthday and what time you're born afterwards, I'll do your chart, and I'll look it up.
Madison: Okay, my mom's here right now. I'll have to get that and send it to you.
Cami: Perfect.
Madison: I love that, I need it.
Cami: Well, Madi, thank you so much for coming on. This has been such a good episode. I'm really excited for people to hear this and so grateful to have you on.
Madison: Thanks for having me. I love your little plant behind you. It's so cute.
Cami: I had to bring some more vibrance into my apartment.
Madison: Yes. Well, if you ever want to come to Tampa, I have a room, a guest room. You can come visit whenever.
Cami: Hell, yeah. I'll text you about that because I need a change of scenery.